Being a Mom is hard and can cause a Mom to become Desperate.
I never had any idea that would be the case. We lost our first baby and our second baby sent me to my bed on bed rest at 28 weeks. When he was born, I was ecstatic and thought “Yes, NOW I am a Mommy and I can enjoy this sweet little bundle God has blessed me with.”
When I came home from the hospital, we spent the first few days in newborn bliss. I had NO idea that the pain meds I was taking (due to my c-section) were also being passed along to my baby. Call me naive, but I believed what was said or rather, didn’t read the fine print. It was ‘safe’ by medical standards, but still being passed to him. This became very apparent after I no longer took them.
Reality hit when the screaming fits from colic and the constant cleaning up from his reflux – ravaged this Mama from sun up to, well, sun -up!
Wrong expectations produce anger and depression Pg 46
For 6 months he screamed, cried and well…puked. I became desperate and had no idea. I didn’t realize it until I was out shopping for groceries and passed a Mom who was obviously in her final days of pregnancy. When I saw her, I started crying. I wondered “Does she know and if she does, why is she smiling that way?”
That sweet bundle I loved was quickly followed by two siblings. Before I knew it, I had a 4 year old, 3 year old and a newborn. And I was Desperate.
Once you start going down that road of feeling invisible and thinking that God doesn’t care, the natural consequence is despair-the dark hole where faith cannot exist. Pg 62
I had some friends and no family close by. I quit my corporate job and became a full time Mommy. My friends at work had little time and I had not really had a chance to plug in with at home Moms. They already had their circles – and I was trying to figure out where I belonged. It was hard- having worked and then quit. I didn’t really seem to fit.
Living by performance always kills our souls because none of us are perfect mothers, and we will fail in some areas. Pg 88
It was about then that God put it on my heart to find someone to mentor me. I didn’t really know where to look or how to ask. I just knew there was something to the Titus 2 words. I knew I needed someone to train me and teach me. My Mom was never home, as she was the main supporter for our home. So, I began searching, seeking and looking. Eventually, I found a few women who were talented in different areas. And they have been speaking into my life.
When a mom complains and fusses as a regular way of life, it will inevitably go into the hearts of her children with great force. Pg 108
BUT, it still wasn’t quite what i wanted.
What I wanted and still desire is what Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson have created in Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe
If you love well, you will influence your children, and your love will cover over many inadequacies. Pg 122
That is what is missing in our culture and in our churches. We have several generations of people now who have not been trained to be parents. It doesn’t have to stay this way. This book – Desperate is a call to action. It is time for Moms to stand up, brush off the labels society has placed on Motherhood – as being less than, etc… and begin to Heal and take charge of our souls and those that belong to our children.
We can not do this alone.
Start with the book. Grab your pen, pencil, highlighter and a computer or smart phone. Each chapter ends with scripture to ponder, topics to journal and a video to watch.
The ability to last in motherhood requires giving up expectations for our own lives, deciding that sacrificing our desires and wants for the sake of our family is our gift of worship to our heavenly Father. Pg 122
Be prepared to cry – so grab a box of tissues, let your hair down and allow yourself to be loved on. You are loved, Sweet Momma. You hold the future of the world in your arms. It’s a task too big to accomplish alone. Sally and Sarah Mae will gently guide you to the cross and open your heart- encouraging you to find a mentor or become a mentor. This journey was not meant to be walked alone.
When we die to ourselves and our expectations, a lot of the desperate feelings leave because we are no longer seeking to fulfill our own needs and expectations as the ultimate good in our lives. Pg 122
And when you buy the book, come back and let me know your thoughts. Me, I’m running out now. Time is up here on the computer for the day. It’s time to relish in the sweet hugs, kisses and even the messy moments with these hearts in my home…..
GIVEAWAY and SPECIALS
Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson have some very special offers for the first week the book is available. Please GO HERE and learn how you can receive free items for purchasing the book and enter a giveaway for a FREE Spa and Mentoring weekend with Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson!!
JOIN the DESPERATE Movement HERE!
Blessings,
disclosure: I received a free copy of Desperate as part of the launch team. No other compensation was received and this is my honest opinion about the book.
My mom and I were just talking about this yesterday at Sunday dinner. We both feel it is so important that one parent makes the children their sole priority–not work, not career, not whatever, but THE KIDS and yet that is difficult to do in today’s world sometimes, there really is not the support system of a neighborhood of women to have tea with while the kids play or family close by to take the kids so parents can go have a meal or see a movie. And our society seems to pile on expectations. When we were kids maybe you played a sport or two, maybe you took dance or gymnastics or maybe you played an instrument. Now one or even two of those things is not enough and moms are shuffling kids in different directions every night of the week and are completely overwhelmed. I look forward to reading Sarah Mae’s book.
Theresa, I can say this – because I’ve done it. A mom doesn’t even have to leave the house to ignore her children. For a few months, I began seeking something that was my goal… and I expected my children to do things around the home, take care of things, entertain themselves and do anything except interrupt me in my ‘goal’ centered mind. Recently, something happened and then God placed this book and a few others in my path. He spoke to me and shared with me that the goals I was striving for were not ones he had for me. In the midst of creating chaos in my home, the goals pushed me farther from two things i loved – my children and my desire to merely encourage. It’s eye-opening when you sit back and see how a little thing can become so big and cause an impact on your children. When I consider that impact will be passed down to the next generation, if I do not reconsider my life and goals now, it’s sobering. Sweet friend, I”m so thankful you have a Mom close by you can talk with and share with. You are blessed….prayed for you today… can’t wait to hear how everything went.
Thank you for praying for me today. It went well, actually. The girls slept over my parents’ house last night as we hosted Sunday dinner yesterday and my mom gives them sewing lessons on Monday while I work–it just made sense for them to go home with my parents. So I got up with jason this morning and we had our coffee and breakfast together before he left. I did cry a little, but then I had work today and it actually went well. I am sure the prayers helped a lot with the transition–thank you again!!
I greatly enjoyed this book, I knew it was going to be hard to leave my “real” world job and stay home with my little angels but hard didn’t cover my feelings after months of being home with them every day, all day. I agree society has lost so much by not teaching women to be moms and mentors, I understand the whole equal rights desires, but there is a bunch of mamas out there hurting and looking for answers. I’m glad to be part of a group that is going to reach out for mentors and remember to one day reach out to young mamas and give them a hand.
Marissa
http://forfunreadinglist.blogspot.com
Marissa, yes! We have to stop sitting back and waiting for someone else to do it! Thank you for stopping by – blessed to be part of this adventure with you.
I couldn’t agree more as I can relate many of these situations to my own life. However, now that my children are older and well past the diaper stage, I still find myself mothering alone. With no family and few friends in the area, it’s been well over a year since I’ve had a day to ‘breathe.’
Granted I could morph these ideas and models into any age of mother, but what about those mentors who are just difficult to find? Suggestions?
Oh, mentors are difficult to find. I’ve been blessed to find a few – they are scattered in my life through the trials I have faced and shared – ones I’ve wanted to run from. My first real mentor came from a stranger I never met – a mentor who helped me at a time of desperation in marriage – I was ready to leave, run and not look back. She and her husband walked us through some hard days…and the one who told me to call her husband, to seek the help we needed was someone I considered a helper, but, at that moment, I found another mentor. Someone else to guide me, hold me accountable and someone I can call on today. I can call in my anger and my tears. And through that, I have found the ability to open up and see I have several around me. That’s it though, we have to be willing to lay it all down, to bear the ugly – to be vulnerable. But, we have to choose wisely. If you are in a church that teaches by the Bible, contact someone there. Ask them if they can recommend someone. Or, the next time you are in church and a woman asks how you are – ask her if she has a moment….that you would like to answer that question with true honesty…. praying for you Lesa….