The truth about Insecurity and Anger
It was a long year for me wrapped in a turbulent sea of insecurity that festered into anger. I did not realize that until recently. I believe my lack of reality was due to walking around with blinders on.
How Insecurity Begins
I am sure it started early in life, my parents divorce, lack of stability and never really feeling like I fit in. Honestly, I didn’t. I’m not sure any of us really do fit in on this earth until we know where our value truly comes from.
But, as I look back, I realize I had struggled with it quite a bit over the past year. This past year of growth, desiring simple has been anything but simple. Instead it was wrapped in a year of desiring things that God had truly not placed upon my heart. And that caused a battle within my soul that I was truly unaware of until I sat down, prayed and allowed His word to fill my mind.
I began to realize that feelings from childhood came back to haunt this heart that should be more mature and more focused on Him than on the world….
Insecurity Based on Lies
I know I am loved by my Father. But, have I really believed that? Have I found my self worth in His word, in his love and in his ultimate sacrifice? Did I really believe I became a new creation and I belong to him????
And so I did what many do – I googled the term insecurity. Ironically, it brought a quote to the forefront by Naomi Campbell- ”Anger is a manifestation of a deeper issue…..and that for me, is based on insecurity, self-esteem and loneliness.”
Anger from Insecurity
I realized, sitting and reading those words – God had been sharing this with me forever. This anger, this sense of frustration that has been eating away at this mama’s heart is due to the insecurity I have placed upon myself by trying to help everyone – rather than remembering why I really get up every morning to read, write and cook.
I do these things to spend time with God, serve my family and then to reach out to others who need encouragement. I do these things to grow His Kingdom.
I want to do these things to seek a deeper relationship with him, rather than seeking to merely enjoy the blessings he wants to bestow upon those who love him.
So, it would seem that my year last year was spent building kingdoms other than the one that matters the most. I am thankful for his gentle reminder, love and grace.
The Truth About Insecurity And Anger
The truth about insecurity and anger – is that they are a pair that mix together in the heart to cause a person to doubt they are a new creation in Christ.
I wonder – are you seeking the wrong kingdom? Are you stuck in a land of insecurity rather than growing in the glorious beauty of a relationship with our Father?
Subscribers can join the conversation HERE. If you aren’t a subscriber, I would love to have you join me as I encourage families in their daily journey…by subscribing here.
Sharing with Raising Arrows and the Better Mom
Reading your beautiful words reminded me of a song entitled “Me Without You” by TobyMac.
The song talks about building/seeking the wrong kingdom: “And where would I be
Without You… I’d be packin’ my bags when I need to stay
I’d be chasin’ every breeze that blows my way
I’d be building my kingdom just to watch it fade away
It’s true… That’s me without You….”
Amazing that I was just singing this song today when it came on the radio, was really thinking about its lyrics and then read this post!
I have been stuck in the land of insecurity and I need to truly work on letting go of my worrying and wondering what others think of me. I also want to focus our homeschool more on the Lord. I pray that He gives me the strength and grace to live each moment for Him and to radiate His joy to my husband and children.
Thank you for this post. You always seem to speak to my heart and soul and I am so very grateful!
I love your blog tagline and love that you are being vulnerable to share what so many of us struggle with. It’s pretty toddlerish, isn’t it? LOL Gimme what I want or I’ll get really mad! By God’s grace, we can be new people.
Melanie,
That is definitely childish. When a heart is hurt and it does open up and helps others, it’s sad to see some who take advantage. Thankfully, we can still step out knowing we are doing so because of our love and faith. Yes, by God’s grace, we can all be new people – that’s what i’m keeping my eyes on. Thank you for your sweet comment!
I got your comment via email and I was thinking I had done something juvenile when you wrote, “That is definitely childish.” LOL Thanks for replying. We can definitely keep growing up, can’t we?
Beautiful, Rebecca! I love you!
Jeannie, Thank you! It really means a lot to have you drop by and leave a comment. Praying blessings over you sweet friend!
What a great thought…it’s the mixing of insecurity and anger that leads us to build kingdoms other than what God has called us to. May we seek Him alone! Thanks for the beautiful reminder.
Oh Rebecca, we must be soul sisters! I have struggled with insecurity my entire life and lately it’s been worse than ever. I blamed my parents divorce, I blamed the lack of acceptance from my high school days, I blamed verbal abuse from my ex husband. All are at fault because I harbor anger for each situation. I didn’t realize it until I read your words here. God is totally convicting me right now. This low self worth is something I vowed would have to come to an end this year, as I feel God calling me into public speaking. Anger! I have to work on forgiveness and releasing the anger… Thank you so much for this!
It’s easy to buy the lie that Satan wants us to wallow in. The lie that says we are worthless and unable to love or be loved. That’s the lie of insecurity and it has lead me down a path of anger…and a few other issues I am working through – being convicted of by the Holy Spirit and handing them over. I pray that together, and with many other women, we can break this bondage – that keeps us from truly living free in the knowledge that we are a new creation and we are loved by the creator of the world!!!! Many blessings Rosann, your words are sweet salve to a Mama trying to live out loud the changes God is bringing to my heart.
What a thought provoking post?
I think in some ways, there are things that I want that I know God just doesn’t see as the time for me to have them. And while I know the “good” thing to do is accept that, and I really try to do that, I am upset that I can’t have those things now.
I have been getting friendly again with this woman from our church that I used to be close with–nothing really happened, just life got in the way. Anyway, she and I were just talking about how we both don’t feel like we fit in anywhere.
Theresa, It’s ironic, isn’t it? I think so many of us feel that way. WE look for acceptance and love from others….and often lean on that more than God. I can completely relate! I am so thankful I had a chance to meet you this year. I hate we didn’t have more opportunities to really sit and enjoy a cup of coffee/tea and just ‘be’. I do pray God opens doors for that in the year to come. And we’ll do this – we ‘won’t fit in’ together!
Sounds like a plan!
I know. Just yes, I know. ah…Our Lord can heal even this. working through this together, sister!
Thank you for sharing your heart.
This is so very true for me too. Also, anger stems from selfishness, for me, and pride a lot of the time. Thanks for giving me some more food for thought…