I sit and stare after I pray because I don’t want to be afraid. I pray for the words that are bubbling to come out to surface from the keyboard and onto the screen.
My hands, beginning to show the age they truly are scream back at me most days now and I stifle the fear that is sitting and crouching at the door like a lion. The fear that I am heading down the same path my Mother took. The pain and agony she suffered as her body betrayed her in this fallen world.
But, before the words can travel from my mind to the keyboard, I realize I am afraid. I am afraid of sharing the wrong thing, saying it the wrong way and causing pain of another heart.
We will all be held accountable one day for our words. Not just words typed, but those spoken and even those deep thoughts that we shelter in the back of our mind as if we can hide them from the one who knows us the most.
That thought of being accountable has gripped my heart in a way I never imagined. It seems everyone is saying what they want. The noise of the world threatens to take away the quiet.
In the background, music is playing and everyday, sounds of giggles and well, other noises children make surround me. I’m grabbing onto those. Being the Mom I want to be.
As I sit and consider the words and my own heart, I watch my friend. She set her fear and pride aside and wrote this. Her words, are calling me to become Holey, Wholly, Holy. Sweet, soft and gentle, she shares her heart and in the process of preparing for lent, she lays bare for me, my own need to put it aside – the fear.
Today, as I step forward, unwilling to be consumed of the fears that surmount in this world waging war with the Creator, I will share His love, His truth and His word. I will wait for Him to give me words and not allow the one who desires to destroy – to take this joy of words from my heart.
This joy that can only come from the maker.
I will no longer be a slave to fear – I am no longer afraid!
Sharing with others and Lisa-Jo…join in the fun of 5 Minutes Friday
Oh that moment when I will give an account, yes afraid is on the list of my feelings on that one. To cling to the promise that when I do give that account I will hold on to blood of my Savior, that can give me a breath to move forward, with a more humble mind that as a human I mess up, but as a saved daughter I have Grace.
Thank you for sharing this – it was a great way to start my day.
Marissa
http://forfunreadinglist.blogspot.com
You use words so beautifully….I am so glad I stopped by. Have a blessed Friday!
Thank you Allison….you don’t know how much that means to me today.
If we live in the present in His presence we will not be afraid.
Dan, that is so true – staying in His presence….
Thanks Rebecca for sharing your thoughts. Such an important concept to grasp – that of being careful and prayerful but not afraid.
It’s easy to say, hard to begin. But, once we do begin stepping into our prayer closet first, I do believe, we find more peace and that fear – stays in it’s place.
Rebecca, these words are so beautiful. You have nothing to fear, Christ has overcome. We can walk upright under the covering of His mercy and love, He holds your aching hands, your fragile heart, He holds it all. I love you. Thank you for the countless ways you bless me.
You are so right, Kris. He holds us and he calls us to have courage. I’m letting go of fear, grabbing hold of Him and friends like you who help me walk in the light!
What a beautiful post, Rebecca. The Lord tells us so many times to “Be Not Afraid.” One verse that immediately comes to mind is Isaiah 41:10- “Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you. Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” Much love, hugs and prayers, as always, coming your way, friend.
Thank you Lisa. I love the way you always reach out to me, encourage me and help other Moms too. It can be a world full of fear – when we lose sight of Christ and those who are following him!
It is me again, friend. Your words always speak to my heart and soul. I have chosen you for a blog award. You can see the details here:
http://our4kiddos.blogspot.com/2013/02/blog-of-year-2012-award.html
Congratulations! You truly deserve it!
thank you, Lisa!!
Such a great reminder about accountability. Look forward to reading the links you shared!
Amanda, we all need to remember we will be held accountable for everything we say, think and do. We are forgiven when we walk in Christ, but that gives us a freedom to make choices in life for the right reasons. I’m so happy you stopped by – and can’t wait to chat with you more.