Dear Sweet Mom who quit homeschooling your child,
I want you to know that this letter is for you. Your words, and your tears have reached into my heart and really given me a chance to re-group and consider where I am in life and how easy it is to misunderstand someone.
You see, when I began homeschooling, a dear friend’s family began private school. Both of us had spent hours discussing both options. Her family went one direction and ours went another. For a year, we were strangers in the night. The new lives we were living didn’t seem to intersect and the whispers throughout society seemed to place obstacles in our way.
We finally had a chance to sit down and talk one day. It was a good day. A day with sun shine and two hearts opening and moving past fear of judgement.
You see, we had both wondered if the other was upset or mad over the path we had taken. We were almost afraid to talk about it because of the volatility of the ‘to homeschool/not to homeschool’ thought process so many seem to be stuck in.
We laughed over the fact that my friend thought I must have more patience and she has (ha! – we both know that isn’t true). And me, well, I said there was no way I could be in a car for the amount of time she was and I just knew her carpool would send me to the loony bin.
Then, I noticed – you were no longer homeschooling one of your sweet little ones. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t write.
I was afraid.
The days of homeschooling are a blessing, but they are hard. It takes a life of a Mom and Dad – being given the direction of God to truly homeschool.
And it takes the life of a Mom and Dad (under the direction of God) to send their child to Public school or Private School.
We all have a path created by the Father.
So, why do we compare? Why was I afraid to email or call you? I was afraid that it would be a bad day here and I would send my children back. I was afraid that somehow your decision would reflect upon some way I may have failed you in our friendship – by not encouraging you enough.
But, how self-centered is that? How awful for me to place ‘me’ there? Your choice had nothing to do with ‘me’.
Then, one day, I opened my computer and saw a message from you. A book you had read – it was a hard read. It was about the IndoctriNation of our children in the United States and across the world. It spoke again to your heart, but you – you did what we should all do. And so, you sent me a message, you shared your heart and you opened a door I was not prepared for.
In your message you shared how you prayed. You asked God to tell you the path to take.
And that is the path you are on. THAT is the path God chose for you and for your child.
Sweet friend, you told me at one point you felt you were a failure – I see you as a warrior.
- You told me you feared for your child – I want to remind you that God is in control.
- You told me that you are tired of feeling judged – I want you to know, I too am tired of feeling judged.
- You called me friend – and I am blessed by that.
- You, sweet friend are on the path God created for you.
You and I – - we are the same. We LOVE our children and desire nothing more than to do what is best for them based on God’s design for their lives! Deep down, we are little girls, begging for the mercy of God to overwhelm our families and show us the path HE has for us.
Let’s break down these walls, these barriers – these ideals that one family is better or less than another. In the end, we are all the same. Not one of us is perfect!
We, the ones who look to Christ, are sinners, saved by Grace seeking to glorify Him.
Let’s join hands and rally together, sisters in love with Christ and loving one another as He loved the church.
In truth-not judgement
In love - not comparison.
I love you sweet friend. Don’t let the world tear you down for the decision God placed on your heart. Let’s start this together, this new bond of motherhood – in true fellowship!
Sharing with Cindy for Titus 2 Tuesday and Simply Helping HIm
This is beautiful…I cried at how God brought you all back together. Isn’t it amazing how the love of sisters in Christ can heal? I am so happy for you aund your friend. Thank you for sharing this…simply beautiful.
Michelle, I MISS YOU! You have been on my mind and in my prayers. Can’t wait to give you a big hug at Real Refreshment!
Rebecca, I love your heart and anyone would be honored to call you a friend.
You’re right, God has called us all to a path. A path that is our own, directed by Him. Embrace your path, don’t resent it or resist it, you’ll be amazed at what He will do with an obedient heart.
Heather, Yes, He created the world – it’s HIS story, not ours. Too often, I think if things would just go the way I want, it would be perfect – and that – is such a selfish thought. Thank you for the way you encourage, lift up and walk your path while loving others on their path.
This is an awesome post, beautifully written. I think we moms are too quick to judge and need the reminder that different paths aren’t necessarily wrong path. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you Heidi. We judge what we don’t understand – and I think some of that comes from pride and fear. I’m learning – ever so gently – to just keep my eyes on Him and share my life for him. Thank you for stopping by today!
It’s funny how often people think I’m “judging” them for doing something that I have good, principled reasons for not doing. I ain’t. I just have good, principled reasons for not doing them! AFAIK, none of my IRL friends think I’m judging them, though if they asked me, I’d try real hard to help them find alternatives. Many of them even agree with me about public schools, but have no choice (education being compulsory, and expensive, and states making rules we can’t all abide by and all the other considerations), and I guess if we weren’t friends, they might think I was judging them. The fact is that there is an ideal, and then there is the messy world where we’re all set down in the muck and the mire wherever we happen to be, and getting out might or might not be as easy as deciding to do so.
Write on the board 100 times: Homeschooling is not the gospel. Homeschooling is not the gospel.
Amen – there is the ideal and then there is the real messy world we live in (ok, I paraphrased your words)… and we need to write this – “Homeschooling will not guarantee my kids will find Christ”… Yes, sometimes, though I do find friends can misunderstand things…the beauty of that friendship is when you can finally talk and discuss and grow. LOVE YA FRIEND!
Beautifully written! I so agree…we cannot know another’s motive or what God has placed on their heart. There really are so many factors on such a big decision!
SO well said. If we all chose the same path in life, it would be boring. Different paths make the world go round. Beautiful post!
Meghan, Thanks! Isn’t it ironic that the world tell us to ‘be different’ but everyone tries to fit into a social norm?
Rebecca,
This is so refreshing. I am so glad that you not only wrote it, but published it on your blog. You are an influencer in the home school community. It is obvious that home education is more than just a fun thing for you to do with your kids. I believe others will read this and think twice before they judge someone again. I pray!
Remember our conversation at Allume? A month and a half later, we moved to PA and put our children in a private school. It was a decision that came after prayer, discussion and reflection. It was not easy. Some days it is still hard. I put a band-aide on my disappointment by thinking, “At least they’re in a Christian school, taught by Christians.”
After two months, we realized that the school was a very bad fit for a child with special needs. Lots of research and prayer went into our next decision. People in private schools insisted that private education is the absolute best choice for our children. Home schoolers insisted the same for home education. The people we spoke with in public schools, of course, said the very same thing about public education. We listened to every side. We saw very clearly that everyone speaks from their personal experience and rarely considers anything else as valid. It is up to the parents to know their child, fully investigate their options and choose what is best for each individual child.
We now have two children in private school and one in public school. Next year, we might have one in private, one in public and one at home. It is not easy. I have lamented the driving many times. I feel overwhelmed by meetings and volunteer hours. I dislike fundraisers. Home school was so much easier. Mothering is my job, though, and now all these chores are part of the job description. Therefore, it is an honor to do them.
An older, wiser cousin said this after hearing our decision, “Home schooling is often mistaken for holiness. Education doesn’t make us holy. Christ does.”
God bless you, Rebecca!
Teresa,
I do remember our conversation – we never had a chance to finish it and I have often meant to send you an email and try to finish it on the phone. I am so thankful you are following the path God is calling you to. YOU are seeking the right path for each of your children.
I listened to a tape (yes a tape) from a 1998 convention last month that talked about being ‘homier’ – you know, we bake bread so we are homier, we go to this, we go to that, we do this and we do that. OH, the competition – that’s what is driving people to corners of a ring. That is not loving.
For now, this is where God has us. Where will he have us next month or next year? I have no idea. I just know where I am and that’s not where you are and guess what – we’re both ok with where we are – and I love having sisters who can encourage me and push me forward!
thank you for the update! WE really do need to chat soon!!! I think often about that conversation – it was great and interrupted and we just never had a chance to finish it! I pray we get to – in person – soon!
Yes, let’s! Email me anytime and we can exchange numbers. <3
Great post Rebecca! We all have to do what is right for our family. Just because we do things differently doesn’t mean we can’t be friends with one another.
Heather, yes – and because we do things different, we have a greater opportunity to learn from someone else – learning in truth founded in God’s word – where we should all start and grow together! Love you, sweet friend! You are SUCH a blessing to me!
Very true, Rebecca. I commented last week on a FB post my mother-in-law made with an article about the government closing down schools for budget cuts, I said, points for homeschooling because we love our children… and it was misunderstood. My point was that we love them more than the government and care about their well being, ALL parents do whether homeschool or public… her argument was that not all moms can homeschool and I completely agree. I think it is a great fit for us… it is a hard fit some days… but a great one. And there are moms out there who, for many reasons, can’t or shouldn’t or aren’t homeschooling. I have learned over the years how to love and respect them just the same. They are doing what they feel they need to do. I have also learned that public school needs good Christian witnesses walking their halls… and they can’t get that if everyone homeschools just because they feel like the have to!
Always make your words sweet, you never know when you might have to eat them
I am a very committed homeschooler, but I avoid being negative about other educational choices (at one point, out of sheer necessity, my children went to public school–knowing that side of it is part of what keeps me committed, it was really bad for my kids in particular.) If I want to say something, I talk about the things I like about homeschooling. But, if something terrible and drastic happened and I could no longer homeschool, I’d be glad to have not alienated anyone.
It’s amazing how I have no close friends who homeschool, and it seems like the moment I bring up homeschooling at church, with other women, they think it’s an immediate indictment of their choice to public school their children. I stopped sharing that I homeschool my children. I stopped sharing the wonderful lessons we do, the great bible study we have, and the wonderful triumphs of teaching my son to lead in prayer and the great questions my daughters asked. I am thankful I had my husband to share these wonderful achievements. But I realized how much I wanted to “praise” the good behaviors in my children. Nothing wrong with that. But it made other mothers feel so guilty. So, I stopped. I realized I wanted homeschooling to be better, so I really focused on the wonderful parts. I didn’t want to share the countless conversations about honesty when a child lied, or the kids couldn’t get along, or when they had no motivation to do their lessons. I didn’t want to share when I was dog tired and gave them the day off or we had ice cream for dinner because I had such a horrible day that I just needed a do-over. I didn’t want to be vulnerable. I wanted to only share what made me and my kids look good. So, God has shown me how to praise my children to Him, to let their actions speak for themselves, and to relate with women as much as possible. I enjoyed your post. Very timely for this homeschooling mom.
Thank you!
Love this! I’m so glad God didn’t make robots. We were not all meant to make the same choices. I am a homeschooling mom, but I get so tired of those who act like homeschoolers are the only ones that are doing right by their children. It just seems prideful to me! We should all seek the Lord and help and support each other.