When my children were born, I prayed God would protect them from the world and woo them into his heart. I prayed they would grow to know, Love and serve Him.
My prayers, were selfish.
You see, I thought that if they did these things, I would be the best Mom in the world – Super Mom. You know, the Mom with the perfect children who always obey, never leave socks under the couch cushions, wake every morning, singing beautiful songs, and most of all, creating a happy atmosphere by not fighting, arguing and always, always pleasing others.
I discovered though, that while my children listen, they don’t always obey. While I teach, they don’t always learn. While I pray scripture over them, their hearts are not always open to the Holy Spirit. And most sobering of all, I can’t woo them to the Father.
I can walk a path they desire. But, I can only do this by being what I desire them to be.
I can only do this by dying to me and living for Him- by becoming who HE has created me to be.
This past year has been hard. I’ll be brutally honest. It’s been down right brutally hard and I’ve hit the bottom of the barrel. Literally. The long days and nights my husband works and the absence of family (because we are spread out) has sent me into a sense of survival. My days are long as I prepare each meal, train, prepare and perhaps write something here to encourage.
But, it’s hard, isn’t it?
Yet, there are blessings all around me. Some days, I forget to open my eyes and ears to see them. I see the mundane in front of me and wish for excitement, beauty and (dare I say it?) – being noticed. It’s easy to disappear and become noise in the world. It’s easy to be judged for walking a path different from others. It’s easy to feel left out and unwanted. I know-I’m not alone here. Your letters, emails and private messages share the same sentiments.
So, while I sit and write – the house is quiet. I hear their breaths in the rooms above. The days of babes waking in the night have passed. Each one now struggles to wake in the morning as their bodies grow into the men and women they are slowly becoming.
And I pray.
I pray new prayers. Prayers of forgiveness for the way I fall short. Prayers of strength that I can hold fast and stand firm int he path God has created for me. I pray that I will keep my eyes on the one true sovereign God who not only created them, but also me – for His purpose…
A few months ago I witnessed beauty I was not expecting. I dressed my daughter for her date with Daddy . As I helped her dress, curled her hair and kissed the top of her head, I held on to those moments knowing, I can’t have them back.
I want to cherish each and every moment, yet I still fail daily in being the Mom I was created to be – the Mom I want to be.
I sit in the dark, after the lights are out and I write. I write to encourage to share, to be me in a world full of people telling me who to be. Yet the one I need to follow wants me to hear His voice above all else.
and I pray
I pray for these three blessings and beg the Father to woo them into his heart
And there she is. The dance is over. The dress has been hung up. She has basked in beauty of her Daddy and GrandFather’s presence.
Prayers answered, both spoken and unspoken.